英文写作中有哪些常见错误

在本专栏当中，我会从学生写的英语作文当中选取一些段落进行分析、讲解和改正，并以下文的形式呈现出来。

段落话题：In recent years, some students neglect the study of Chinese, thinking that it"s not important. Analyze the causes of the phenomenon.近些年，一些学生忽视了汉语学习，认为汉语不重要。分析该现象的原因。

以下是未经修改的原文：

①There are many reasons why we neglect the learning of Chinese. ②First, globalization plays an important role in today"s popularization of the international common language, English. ③Our attention to learning our native language is distracted. ④Among college students, lifestyle in western is greatly influential on them. ⑤Young people are not interested in native culture. ⑥Second, our college don"t attach importance to Chinese education. ⑦Chinese lessons we have is less than English lessons. ⑧Now English is arranged into elementary school schedules, which occupies students" time that could have been learned Chinese.

在大多数英语考试的写作中，一个段落3-5句话即可。超过5句话，通常说明废话太多或者信息不够凝练。这导致的直接结果就是，句子之间缺乏逻辑连接，正如上面一段一样。

这一段中，除了first/second两个词表明并列之外，其他句子之间几乎看不出什么逻辑连接，结构非常松散，得分自然也非常低。

将其中两个原因简化一下就是：

1西方文化对学生的影响

2学校不够重视

接下来一句一句来分析：

①There aremany reasons whyweneglect the learning of Chinese.

这句话并没有语法问题，但是与下文之间的逻辑连接不够紧密。这句话是段落中心句，其中提到的是many reasons，而下面却只有两个原因，存在一定的出入。可以直接将many改为several，即：

There areseveralreasons whyweneglect the learning of Chinese.

写作中使用we时，通常是泛指people。不能因为自己是学生就用we来代指students，这样过于主观化，是非常不严谨的。

这句话也可以使用一个地道的写作句型：

Reasons for sth abound, but one/two/three stand out.某事的原因有很多，但是有...个很明显。即：

Reasons for students" neglect of Chinese learning abound, but two stand out.(neglect可以作名词)

这句话的主语部分较长，而谓语只有短短的一个词，因此也可以将后置定语后置，即：

Reasons abound for students" neglect of Chinese learning, but two stand out.

这样一来，就很有native的写作风格了。

②First, globalization plays an important role in today"spopularizationof the international common language, English. ③Our attention to learning our native languageis distracted.

popularization表示普及/逐渐流行。来源于动词popularize。如the popularization of Chinese food in America。也可以替换成the rising popularity(of sth)。

第②句话是globalization与英语流行之间的关系(plays an important role in)，但是这种关系与段落主旨并没有直接联系。与段落主旨直接相关的应该是第③句话，而第③句又存在一定程度的头重脚轻：主语较长，谓语(is distracted)较短。这里distract的动作主语就是上一句提到的现象。因此可以考虑将两句话合为一句：

First, the popularization of English, which stems partly from globalisation, has distracted Chinese pupils’ attention from their native language Chinese.

the popularization of English是直接原因，而globalisation是the popularization of English的原因，属于次要信息，因此处理为非限定从。stem from表示由...导致，在上一篇文章中讲到过。

④Amongcollege students, lifestyle in western is greatly influential onthem. ⑤Young people are not interested in native culture.

第④句话犯了一个很常见的错误：一个句子中同样的信息说两遍(英文当中是非常忌讳重复的)，即college students和them重复了。由于students是讨论的主体，因此直接将collegestudents 作为主语即可：

College students are greatly influenced by western culture.

这里的college students实际上是对上一句pupils的范围缩小，因此可以使用一个短语：in particular。即：

College students, in particular, are greatly influenced by western culture.

同样，这两句也可以合为一句。由于两句之间存在因果关系：greatly influenced by western culture(因)→not interested in native culture(果)。而且主语实际上相同(college students/young people)，因此将两个谓语并列，并使用thus表明前后因果关系：

College students, in particular, are greatly influenced by western culture and thus uninterested in learning their mother tongue.

⑥Second, our college don"tattach importance to Chinese education. ⑦Chinese lessons we have is less than English lessons.

由于第①句当中明确说了是two (reasons) stand out，因此这里使用the other更恰当一些。这里可以使用一个表语从句，增加一下句子结构的多样性，即：

The other contributing factor is that...

attach importance to表示重视，是一个地道表达。前面加上了一个否定don"t，虽然没有什么问题，但是不够自然。

在这个短语当中，importance前面经常会加上形容词修饰词来表程度，如attach great importance to非常重视，再比如place special emphasis on特别关注。因此，可以直接在importance前面加上否定形容词little：attach little importance to不重视，相比于don"t attach importance to来说更加地道。

第⑦句是对第⑥句的补充说明：汉语课比英语课少是学校不够重视的具体表现。因此可以处理为with状语的形式，使得信息更加凝练：

The other contributing factor is that many colleges in China attach little importance to the teaching of Chinese, with fewer Chinese lessons offered than English ones.

⑧Now English is arranged into elementary school schedules, which occupies students" time that could have been learned Chinese.

这一句没有说服力：小学的语文课和英语课是一样多的。可以直接去掉。

Revised version

①Reasons abound for students" neglect of Chinese learning, but two stand out. ②First, the popularization of English, which stems partly from globalisation, has distracted Chinese pupils" attention from their native language Chinese. ③College students, in particular, are greatly influenced by western culture and thus uninterested in learning their mother tongue. ④The other contributing factor is that many colleges in China attach little importance to the teaching of Chinese, with fewer Chinese lessons offered than English ones.