和美国初中生一起挑战写英语小论文

今天分享Zoe正在上的一个阅读写作课的作业。关于这个阅读写作课，我们上次已经分享了课程使用的书单，如果需要回顾或者查阅相关书单的话，请点击下面蓝色字链接：

分享美国学生的暑假英语阅读书单

下面的中文是介绍一下这次写作老师的要求，在写作过程中我观察到Zoe遇到哪些困难；以及美国小学中学写作上要求的变化。如果不感兴趣，可以直接跳到后面Zoe写的文章部分阅读。

另外，Zoe自己把文章读下来了，观看录像可以对比文字参考发音。

稍微说一下小说的主要内容。Eragon是小说主人公的名字。反正我看下来，有种看武侠小说的感觉。就是主人公怎么从一个小人物蜕变成一个身怀绝技的大英雄的。当然这个过程中，他必须遇到一个师傅；必须苦练武功；还必须经历九九八十一难，最终登上人生顶峰。怎么样，是不是还是熟悉的配方？熟悉的味道？世界大同。

嗯， 在我这个岁数，拿着这本奇幻类畅销书，还是要像读《百年孤独》一样去严肃对待。我感觉自己真的挺难的。但是Zoe表示她更难，因为她不喜欢骑龙打仗的主题。正好利用这个机会告诉她，生活哪里总给你挑挑拣拣的机会。另外，我们要掌握的是规律，是实质，或者也可以说要掌握那么点套路。同样的分析方法，可以用在严肃文学上，就可以用在武侠小说上；日后也能用在工作里。

再废话一下为什么我比较看重这类命题的阅读分析类写作。因为个人感觉这种写作锻炼孩子处理信息、抓住重点、提炼观点、寻找作证、理清思路、组织语言、有效展示等多方面的能力。转换到日后的工作场景，甚至和他人交往沟通方面，这些能力也真是一个都最好不要少。所以写作这件事，其实就是理解力、分析力及表达力的综合体现。

这本"Eragon"，老师让用三个星期读完，包括开始上课前的一个星期。我们会错了意，所以只有两个星期读完这本497页的小说。因为是Zoe第一次接触文学评论类文章写作，所以我还是决定在一旁陪她完成。所以这本书在两个星期里，被我和Zoe来回翻阅，以便记录和查找分析时需要引用的原文部分。一本新书，已经被看得边角上都有磨损了。

老师对写作的要求很明确，就是用五段式论文法来回答下述问题；要有明确的thesis statement（主旨），并且用好topic sentences（主题句）。写作需要围绕下面的问题展开：

Eragon first believes Brom to be nothing more than an old story teller. Explain the progression of their relationship. What did Brom accomplish by not telling Eragon who Brom really was?根据我的观察，在美国这边的小学低年级阶段，孩子们的写作是非常天马行空的；老师似乎也对于拼写和语法错误并不是特别的关注。学校主要是鼓励孩子们在一边慢慢加大阅读量的同时，一边拿起笔来尝试记录生活和心情。到了四、五年级，我看到Zoe他们开始使用五段式论文法来简单的总结论点，展示论据。这种训练延续到了初中。

这次的课外阅读写作课，我感觉老师的要求会更细致一些。Zoe是班上为数不多的六年级学生，而其他孩子大多是七年级学生。所以我估计老师是按照八年级的水平来要求他们的。

老师要求孩子们在文章中非常清晰的地阐明thesis statement（主旨），并且每个论段的开头必须有明确的topic sentence（主题句）。老师评分时会考虑：文章思路清晰，论点明确，论据贴切，原文引用部分的确能服务于论点论据，逻辑上没有前后矛盾，语言上尽量准确而精简。

有意思的是，老师没有过分强调标点符号的使用，而是说会把这个作为一个专题，在后面的课程里涵盖。可见在美国，大部分初中生还是没有掌握好标点符号的使用。

因为我这次是和Zoe一起讨论和陪着她写作，我发现了一些她写此类文章时出现的问题（当然，Zoe还只有11岁，有这类问题非常正常；而最后Zoe交上去的文章是针对这些问题反复修改过的版本）：

第一次拿着这么厚的书写评论类文章，Zoe还没有掌握有效阅读和记笔记的方法。其实带着问题去阅读，会能更有效地发现很多有用的细节。同时，也要有习惯，用纸笔，或者是IPAD一边读，一边做笔记。这样可以事半功倍地把需要引用的原文的页数，以及自己灵光一现的思路、评论、分析等都记录下来。这样到写的时候，会特别有效率。读书和工作都需要动脑子，提高效率哈。在写作过程中，Zoe的思路容易发散。写的内容会慢慢脱离开主题，显得混乱。没有经过训练，还做不到有意识的写作。当然，分析和评论的环环相扣，句句戳心毕竟需要一定数量的练习。车轱辘话来回说。我觉得她的这个写作老师说得挺对的。就是一个意思，不是你用一千种方式去诠释它，它就成真理了。想强调的内容，如果表达到位，说一次就可以了。我给Zoe的建议是，这个阶段可以先把想写的写上，后面需要的话就大刀阔斧的删。到了这个年龄，为了把相对复杂的事情说清楚，Zoe开始尝试使用从句。然而从句套从句如果用不好，反而读起来拗口，意思也可能会看起来混乱。我的建议是，如果意思表达相对复杂，把从句断成短句子。这样反而清爽，言简意赅。下面终于是作业分享了。分割线。

Eragon and Brom"s relationship slowly but surely grows stronger, from strangers to mentor/student and finally, father and son. By not telling Eragon that once he was a dragon rider, Brom gives Eragon space, and allows Eragon to make his own decision to become a dragon Rider.

第一句是主旨句，整个文章回答的问题是Eragon和他的师傅Brom之间的关系发展是如何展开的。主旨句定性他们之间关系发展经历了三个阶段，即陌生人、师徒和情如父子。同时，主旨句出现的第一段也指出Brom向Eragon隐瞒他自己也是龙骑士的原因是为了让Eragon有机会，在不被外力影响的情况下自己做出自己的选择。注意，一般主旨句会包含比较多的内容，可以考虑避免用过于复杂的从句来表达。针对这段，老师的评价是outstanding thesis。但是老师指出Zoe忘了在开篇写出小说名，作者，并对故事做个概述。这些都是第一段行文的要求。

At the beginning of the story, Eragon and Brom are strangers and they don"t trust each other. For example, when Brom offers to help Eragon with his revenge, Eragon doubts his motives: "Is he really offering help, or is this a trap?" (Eragon pg 98). Brom, on the other hand, keeps secrets from Eragon partly because he does not trust that Eragon can handle all the information properly. So when questioned by Eragon, Brom says:"I am one who is here to help you…But I"m not going to answer your questions. At this point you don"t need to hear my history, nor have you yet earned that right." (Eragon pg106).

上面一段针对两人第一阶段关系定性展开论证和原文引用。注意引用原文的内容一定要贴切的作证相关论点。老师评价说，第一句的主题句过分关注情节，内容不够有讨论性（说实话，我感觉老师好严格呀）；原文内容引用的非常贴切。

At this stage of their relationship, without trust, Brom decides to keep his identity as a secret. If Brom told Eragon that he was a Rider, Eragon might ask more questions. The answers to those questions might scare him away since there are more failures, sufferings and even deaths. For example, Brom would have to explain where is his dragon and Eragon will be scared knowing that Brom"s dragon, whose name happens to be Saphira as well, died. Eragon can easily think about his Saphira’s possible death and get very worried or even run away. Brom believes that it"s not the right time to tell Eragon the full story. In a conversation with Eragon, Brom points out: "You demand answers with an insolence rarely seen. If you knew what you asked for, you would not be so quick to inquire. Do not try me." (Eragon pg139).

命题作文中的第二部分是关于师傅Brom对自己身份隐瞒如何成就了Eragon。而这种成就的始末贯穿于两人关系发展的过程中。所以写作的时候，老师说有两个选择。一是单独用一段来论述Brom身份隐瞒的作用；二是把这个部分融入到主旨句里提到的两人关系发展的三个阶段中去。Zoe选择了第二种方式。

Then Eragon and Brom progressively develop care and trust for each other through travelling together; they become mentor and student. Although Eragon still questions about Brom"s past, he would clarify: "I trust you with my life – which is why I"m still travelling with you—but I need to know more about who you are and what you are doing." (Eragon pg 223). Eragon cares for Brom and risks his own life to save Brom using magic in several occasions. At the same time, Brom cares about Eragon so much that he puts on hold the plan to take Eragon to the Varden as soon as possible. Brom wants to give Eragon more time for him to get prepared and he tells Eragon: "The Varden are dangerous people...I want you to be well prepared before you go anywhere near the Varden." (Eragon pg 227). At this point, Eragon looks up to Brom as his mentor. Brom has Eragon"s trust.

注意"at the beginning", "then", "finally"这些词的使用。虽然看起来简单，但是用到文章里是能让读者关注你设定和想强调的顺序和逻辑的。老师这里的评价是上面一段的主题句非常明确，原文中的例子也举得非常合适。

However, Broom still doesn"t want to tell Eragon that once he was a rider. This is because Brom does not want Eragon to become a rider by his influence. Eragon is supposed to make the decision on his own. Actually, before Brom confesses to Eragon his Rider identity, Eragon already has made up his mind. And when that happens, Brom is not with Eragon. Eragon witnesses the slave trading. He recognizes: "I"ve been graced with special powers; it would be selfish of me not to use them for the benefits of others. If I don"t, I might as well not be a Rider at all."(Eragon pg 256) Brom"s strategy works.

上一段阐述的是在第二阶段，Brom隐瞒身份如何成就了Eragon。

Finally, Brom gives Eragon his blessing before he dies; their relationship is like that between father and son. Eragon responds with the letters he writes on the stone:

"HERE LIES BROM,

Who was a Dragon Rider,

And like a father,

To me." (Eragon pg 276)

After Eragon finds out the origin of Zar"roc, he says to Saphira: "Brom kept more than that secret…I understand now why Brom didn"t explain Zar"roc"s origins when he gave it to me. If he had, I probably would have run away from him at the first opportunity."(Eragon pg 282)Eventually, Eragon figures out Brom"s strategy of keeping secrets and feels his care and love. For Brom, telling Eragon that he was a Rider before he dies leaves Brom with no regrets and the legacy of Rider continues.

In summary, Eragon and Brom"s connection becomes deeper as the story progresses. The journey they take together is a quest for Eragon to find out what he really wants to do; a mission for Brom to support Eragon in achieving his goals. By not confessing his Rider identity until he dies, Brom manages to provide only necessary information to Eragon and keep Eragon focus on training; Brom"s neutral position also makes it possible for him to limit his influence on Eragon for decision making.

小说读完后，我还给了Zoe一小篇拓展阅读，是孟子的《生于忧患，死于安乐》。我和Zoe说，我在读这本小说的时候，书里主人公的成长经历会让我联想到这篇几千年以前的中国学者写的文章。其实阅读本身就是不断地产生联想，不断地让曾经沉淀的，和新吸取的信息、感受碰撞。所以也把中英文对照的《生于忧患，死于安乐》在这里分享给大家(translated by David Hinton in Mencius)。

生于忧患，死于安乐

Life springs from sorrow and calamity; death comes form ease and pleasure

故天将降大任于斯人也，

So it is that whenever Heaven invests a person with great responsibilities,

必先苦其心志，

it first tries his resolve,

劳其筋骨，

exhausts his muscles and bones

饿其体肤，

starves his body

空乏其身，

leaves him destitute,

行佛乱其所为，

and confounds his every endeavor,

所以动心忍性，

In this way his patience and endurance are developed

曾益其所不能。

and his weakness are overcome

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